Monday, August 20, 2007 11:17 AM
clarification

things have been rather jumbled up recently
and i kinda feel a need to explain myself and get things off my chest
so, i hope that no one takes anything to offence or no one takes it the wrong way.

it's been weeks since i last talked to you
why you may ask?
it started off with you having weird behaviours and i didnt know why, neither would you tell me, so i decided to just keep quiet.
at first i was constantly worrying if i did anything wrong towards you to anger you
but then i found out the real reason
and i tried to talk to you after that again, but everytime i talk to you i would always get shot down by you.
you'll always give me one worded replies or you wont reply me at all
you talked to the others as per normal and as for me, you still wouldnt talk to me
why? why was i the only one who had to go through this?
why me? why not just anyone else?
we were so close for a point of time before this came and we drifted
finally i couldnt stand it no more, so i decided to ignore it and wait for better times
when better times came, you initiated conversations with everyone except me
once again, it got me worried but by then i really couldnt care less because i disliked being treated like that
and i really was tired of trying to talk to you
when everything cooled down and every problem was settled, another problem arised
who is going to initiate a conversation with who first?
by then i was afraid of initiating as i didnt want to get shot down again and feel sad and bothered over it
and i remembered you had this theory "if the person stops talking to you, then fine lor, i dont talk to the person lor. why should i start talking to the person first if the person doesnt want to talk to me?"
very puzzled, i wonder if i should follow that theory?
but knowing that you were not the kind who might initiate a conversation, i tried to say hey and all
still it didnt work
and now im just tired of trying already
it's not that i dont wanna talk to you
it's that im afraid of feeling sad all over again because my friend doesnt want to talk to me
i dont wanna go through all that worrying and getting upset all over again
i guess i wasnt really counted as a friend that you would care for?
you mentioned you got your best friends back. i guess i wasnt even close to close friends?
im really tired, i dont want to go through this again.

i thought i ought to explain myself once and for all
hope that you dont take it in the wrong way